The authors of Crucial Conversations define a crucial conversation as a conversation that is 1) important, 2) has differences of opinion, and 3) is emotional.
Crucial conversations happen frequently and they can happen fast.
They are important, so you must deal with them. The participants have an opinion, which is a self-focused win-lose position. They are emotional, so there is an element of risk: emotional risk, relational risk, and even physical risk.
The first step is to ask yourself, “What do I want from this conversation and what do I NOT want?” After thought, we usually want the differences of opinion resolved and the relationship maintained. We would be wise to avoid “winning” and “revenge” as answers.
Another key step is the master your own stories. This involves mentally, deliberately separating facts from stories. Facts are things we observe. “You were late for work today.” Stories are things we derive within our own mind that explain the fact, but are usually not confirmed. “You are too lazy to get up on time.” Stories often involve our guess at the motivation of the other person.
The five steps are listed in the PDF outline below from the authors. It also lists the skills required and the crucial questions to ask at each step.
The book Crucial Conversations and the companion book Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High should be mandatory reading for nonprofit managers, directors, and board members. In fact, it should be mandatory for everyone.
The authors have a website at VitalSmarts.com where you can sign up for their newsletter and free resources. They also have a Youtube channel for their training exercises.
Go check it out.